What do couples fight about 

So my  close friends call me a “bully ” and others think I’m very much opinionated and don’t back down . Buttttt….what I’ve come to discover is that ,I ain’t a bully at all ,I just defend myself a bit more than everyone around me do for themselves …so it’s quite easy for the next person to label you a certain way because of their own disparities .This bully labeling  issue has become a major issue in my relationship and of late has caused a whole of problem.then again that’s a whole different issue for another day .as of today would really love to dig in a bit deeper on the issues that most couples fight about .ever heard people lash out statements like “if you don’t fight as a couple you are pretty much not dating ‘mmmmmm but let’s be frank here , we do accept some level of disagreements that can lead to fighting but when it becomes a norm that you fight everyday ,it ain’t love no more ,it’s you not being compatible for each other at all.

1:Ex spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends 

In as much as people have moved on and are with their current partners , cases of the exes seem to pop out a lot .it comes to things that you love so much that would be interpreted as reminders of your ex partner .some people have withdrawal problems, they can’t seem to let go of their past no matter how shady and broken that past is .you check their social media,u find that they are still communicating with their past …they still interact with their pasts family ..I would find this quite a disturbing issue in your new relationship if u can’t seem to let go of your past .

2.Money 


I have always told myself that money will not be an obstacle to a happy relationship in my life .its not like we get what we wish for all the time right ?its just inevitable that couples fight over finances .how you going to spend it ,on who ,on what ……having a lot of money can cause problems and not having any can be an issue too ….all u need to do is master the art of communication wen it comes to money .be open about finances ,how they are being acquired and how they will be spent .come up with a budget in order  to save , agree on that budget and make use of it.i believe it always work if both parties agree .wen you are single,you sort of have financial independence ,I spend my money however I want to but that’s not always the case when you are in a relationship ..you need to respect the other persons views regarding your financial use…

                                                               ………to be continued 

The social scene in your late 20’z 

When you hit 18,you are so full of life and want to do everything and anything that’s in your reach. You want to experiment a lot , it might be dating ,a certain way of dressing, be part of a “click”, some type of exotic foods etc etc . If I would go back to mini me when I was 18,I would tell myself to relax a bit.Some of the decisions I made when I was that age were out of this world and just plain stupid and unreasonable . In terms of dating , I was very much settled of which come to think of it, that’s the time I was supposed to be all flirty and youthful. This is really besides my point , I’m here to talk about the social scene. Where to go, what to do ,who do it with and the expectations that come with the social scene. To be frank , the social scene requires a lot of energy and 💵💵. In Uni , there came a time whereby all I did was party and not have a care in the world about anything , it was downright fun and life liberating tbh. You had no one to answer to and basically you could be anywhere you wanted to be and no one cared . So the tricky part was when I came back home for my semester holidays . My parents are just strict and I had to do afternoon house parties and all. It wasn’t fun ,especially when people had to drive you back home when there would rather be somewhere else,at times I had to resort to using a cab. Trust me it was a dread . When rules are so tight for you, there’s so much going on and you got so much energy too. Then comes the moment you hit your late 20’s. You have the ultimate freedom ever to go out , coz well you an adult and rules gotta change somehow .(well for those who still live with their parents like me ) .mom isn’t fussy about the time yiu come back home, you can even call in and say I’m sleeping over at a friends and they literally wouldn’t care a bit. Butttt then the social scene becomes to different , it’s full of mini yous , who are so full of energy and you just sitting there drinking a non alcoholic cocktail 🍸🍸,and think “why am I here ” 🤔🤔🤔. 

………………………………….to be continued 

Where do we go from here 

It was inOctober 2014, wen things fell apart for this young lady .having finished college the same year ,job hunting was sort of a daily bread mission for her .For months her daily schedule was very predictable ,waking up doing her house chores ,taking that long shower ,breakfast then into town to that same Internet cafe to search for job vacancies on the Internet .This was all done by someone who had hope for a brighter future for herself little did she know the world she was in was full of greedy people . No one cared about experience neither did they care about qualifications it was just about how much you are willing to part with to get a job …..
To be continued ….

Life decisions made for you 

Growing up in a typical black family ,it’s inevitable that decisions are made for you without you . Starting from a young age , we have clothes picked up for us for occasions because they say “you don’t know that which is appropriate to wear “,but are we ever given the chance to choose that which we want . Then it rises to what we eat, I know growing up I ddnt like eating that much , but one thing I knew I loved were butternuts ,but the decision was made for me to be accustomed to eat just about everything .😔.it starts with those small tiny things ,and eventually gets to life decisions being decided for us .One disturbing factor we see our parents deciding our career pathway.i had the privilege to chose that which I desired to do but well my siblings were not so fortunate enough to have that too .its quite common in my African culture to be a doctor yet you desire to be a fashion designer or photographer . Going through medical school would take you approximately 7 years ,7 years of studying a degree to please your parents because you the not financially emancipated to take yourself through school .its a sad reality but many are living to give testimonies of such .   

The prayerful partner pt3 

  • My past relationships were filled with all sorts of excitement , some I can’t even comprehend as to whether I was thinkn clearly to involve myself with such . I have always told myself , I will raise my kids better than I was , not saying my parents did a terrible job , they did their best I was just adamant to follow . My mom took me and my siblings to church but just like any other kid, church is a place to go play and as a youth to create relationships …never to serve the soul purpose of hearing the word of God , understanding it and doing according to the word . As an adult , I now understand the whole concept of church …..tbh my partner helped me understand a lot . For instant One thing I knew existed was tithe but it was just “a thing” of the many things I never understood what it meant . I’m grateful that God chose “my person “for me …

A prayerful partner Pt2…

My relationship with God changed, from 5 minutes needy prayers to a father and daughter long prayers.In midst of it all ..He brought a friend , a comforter , a giver , a humble soul into my life . Most of all He brought a PRAYERFUL PARTNER .Life changed for me in a blink of an eye..impossible situations were shaken for I had a prayerful partner , who not only lifted my spirit up but he prayed and still prays for us 

The prayerful partner 

It’s not easy to find that one person who completes you , that one person who makes you feel at ease in distressful times, who puts an electric smile on your face when everything is on a standstill . For me, it took time to find such a person . I would come across those ” I can make you happy ” type of men but act immature and witty when I needed them the most . After kissing a few frogs you just can’t help but start questioning yourself .Maybe this misfortunes of colliding with such has nothing to do with them but me . Which brings me to my relationship with God . I prayed yes,everyone does pray right ???! But I prayed when a need arises .not everyday , but whenever a need arises . Then I changed myself ….