Things Every Christian Girl Needs To Know Before Getting Married 

1. Your fiancé isn’t the answer to your happiness– God is the source of your satisfaction,that’s the most important thing you should engrave in your heart . If you are going to get married ,with the sole idea that your husband is going to be your all, your comforter ,shield etc then what happens wen he fails to fulfill your expectations? 

2. God is truly your only last source of fulfillment – look up to God,have a close relationship with Him ,through prayer ,praise and worship and because He is our creator He provides us with a fulfillment that earthly husband or fiancés can’t provide us with. Before u get married ,have a personal consistent relationship with God that u can take into your marriage that will ultimately give you fulfillment all the time.

3. You won’t magically mature when you get married- we all have our own flaws ,no one is perfect hey ….but thing is no one can ever change overnight. your impatient,selfishness, arrogant and loathing character won’t drastically change because you are married . Slowly work on your flaws ,because those are the exact same things u will struggle with in marriage.i challenge and encourage you to look at your life ,evaluate it now and see what needs to change so that you can better yourself .

4. Being totally independent doesn’t creat marital unity – women are supposed to work and earn a living as much as men do ,even more if they can .personal growth and independence isn’t such a bad idea ,until it leads to a rather competitive relationship than a unified marriage .working together as a team ,and striving to build each other grow will ultimately help your marriage stand strong .its okey to cultivate a selfless ,giving heart whilst in courtship bearing in mind what God says a strong woman is  “a bold and courageous woman for His truth “

What It Means To Be A Leader (series Part 1) 

First and foremost,if u are in a position of being a leader u have the power to definitely influence people .When I first gave my heart to Jesus I was so hungry to spread the word so much that anyone who asked me anything about Christianity I would literally cling on to them.Let me just jump right on it : 

10 Leadership qualities :

1. A leader is not self promoting Matthew 3:13 

Push people towards God word if u have positioned yourself in a leadership post.the moment u want to spread the word,know that it’s not about you anymore ,it’s about the different souls u want to help out by and through ministering the word of God.

2. A leader is obedient to what the Holy Spirit has to say Matthew 4:2

The temptations that Jesus got wen he was in wilderness,He was obedient to what the Holy Spirit within him were saying ,anything that Satan was tempting him with didn’t even phase him .think about the way u are living,are u constantly compromising your faith and religion for money or power or people ? Are u giving so much credit and power to worldly things than u do to God? are u obedient to the Holy Spirit in your life? Therefore if u are a leader ,in whatever area in your life,do u give yourself time to listen to the Holy Spirit within u to help u lead.

3. A leader has a vision with clarity,simplicity and direction 
Jesus knew why he came to this earth and his message was clear so as to reach out to everyone.as a leader are u speaking in a way that everyone understands you,or are u trying to be above everyone’s head in a way of looking down upon them .Jesus spoke In parables ,earthly stories with a heavenly meaning hence this way a lot of people understood his message ,it was upto them to follow .

4. A leader is a strategic team builder 
Jesus built a team of 12 disciples before he begin his ministering.He chose these people so that they will help him during his time on earth .as a leader have people around u,have a close relationship with them inoder to have a huge outcome or better results in whatever business u are in. 

                                                              …WAM2017…

        

4 ways to keep God in your relationship 

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1. Put God first – seeking God at all times .don’t make your partner the pinnacle of your relationship,let a God sit on his throne.

2. Prayer -be comfortable praying to ,for and with each other ..e.g. Our first trip together with our friends ,I wasn’t comfortable praying for our journey ,to the extent that we opted to sing along to a hym before we embarked on our  journey.its something I had never been comfortable with ,praying out loud.not just to my partner but in general .so now I’m making it a policy that we at least try to read out your prayers to each other frequently in times of fasting or wen u are praying for something specifically .its sort of makes us feel comfortable around each other in prayer.
3. Creat boundaries and guidelines- make some routines or regular habits that keep u inlined to Gods word and that are of God,it could be bible study as a couple or with friends .make clear cut boundaries on certain lifestyles that will pull away from the way and life of a Christian.

4. When u stumble don’t hesitate to turn back to God- it’s normal to have arguments in a relationship,to have negative feelings towards each other …..but wen that happens don’t ever hesitate to turn to God. Don’t ever think that there is some dark place in your life that u feel u will never be able to turn back to God…God is always there ready to hear u out and guide you .Thing is, God knows that we are imperfect ,so before u even give your back to him ,He knows you .

Broken Trust 

  • How true is that statement???? 
  • If you don’t trust your partner is there any need of being in that stationary,unproductive relationship at all???  
  • What difference will your relationship be from that of people who are merely flirting,or situationships,or side baes,or friends with benefits,if it has no trust at all ???  
  • What do u mean when you say “I trust you with all my heart”??? 
  • Is trust measured by any visible actions or it’s something you just feel??? 
  • Does trust have limitations???

When you trust someone ,you are literally saying “I have all the confidence in you, I’m safe with and around you ,I relay on you no matter what “ but wen does it all go down the hill in a relationship for people to stop trusting each other .Can it be infidelity,fear ,doubt or lack of communication that turns a beautiful experience into a bitter pill to swallow .im not going to dwell much on what trust is or how you can see it but on what actually destroys trust .

Let’s see : If you are naturally a snoopy individual can you hold back that snooping around tendency when u are in a relationship .To be honest ,there just certain times it’s not necessary to snoop around when your partner is out of sight .if you have a “my phone is my phone and your phone is your phone policy “ then you find yourself snooping in their belongings to go through their phone ,then I feel as though there’s no trust and no relationship to speak of whatsoever .from the beginning,if  are you not comfortable with such a policy ,let your thoughts be heard so u can find common ground at least ,for the sake of progress and healthy relationship. Besides the phone ,u find one going through someone’s wallet, handbag or clothes …what the hell are you looking for honey ???? Instead of snooping why not ask your partner if you feel as though there are certain gaps that won’t add up ..just because so and so have a snooping around relationship doesn’t mean u should do it wen its not even necessary in your own relationship. Nothing productive will come out of snooping around ,in all honesty,u lose and break the trust you share with your partner.  

Keeping secrets is just a deal breaker for anyone . if we are in a relationship I feel there should just be total transparency no inbetweens. I shouldn’t ask for information that must be openly said because that’s what a healthy relationship comprises of ,total honesty and transparency. Keeping secrets,will only lead to one snooping around ,I mean for someone who rarely snoops around ,u are eventually led down that road. how will u hold up a relationship built on secrets, if truth be told ,u lose trust in the long run coz secrets have a way of coming out…some people might be of the view that ,there are good and bad secrets ….woooow really..??  

Here’s my favorite,lack of communication most definitely strips off the trust people have for each other in a relationship.lets learn to communicate about everything and anything , it doesn’t have to be a taboo communicating as a couple .im not talking about calls, messages ,chats and so forth …m talking of communication when it comes to important matters in your lives .communicate about your ambitions,visions,future and how u will implement these. As a couple u need to trust each other in making life changing decisions.I mean if there is a future worth building why not do it together .however,if u hardly know what your partner is on about in their life ….is there any level of trust here??if you decide on doing A,B,C &D without even consulting or getting my 2cents then I feel any normal person will slowly withdraw and not feel included in your life .

We all know what doubt is all about right ? Once u start doubting and questioning everything they say or do ,ur trust in them goes right of the window.  

If these doubts aren’t dealt with prematurely ,eventually they turn into suspicions ..you start noting a certain trend of behavior that in most cases won’t even be there and it will lead to one losing trust over their partner. this is how most relationships just die a slow and heart wrenching breakup ,coz when there is no trust ,there is no love or relationship to dwell on . 

                                                         …WAM…

We are OFFICIAL!!!

Yes we can date ,seems a bit old fashioned hey ,but believe you me that’s just how I still prefer it to be .Saying yes,will eliminate a lot of unanswered questions.saying yes prevents future heartbreaks wen one cheats in the name of “I ddnt know we were an item ,u never said that we are “ .When my fiancé was asking me out ,I was a mess ,a mess from my previous relationship,a mess that was of the view that all men are trash ..however, he was a genuine guy ,coming from a not so good/happy relationship himself and we sort of were in the same boat but still I needed a bit of time .Its not you ,but me phrase ,sort of applied in my situation,I never expected to use that ever in my God given life ,although when I did ,I meant every bit of it .We bacame close acquaintances,went to cricket together,movie,lunch dates ,fellowship you name it ,but still I hadn’t said it “yes we are official “ 


How do u know that the person you are dating is officially your one and only .????Well I’m sort of going to lay out what I think should be the highlights of an OFFICIAL relationship.

1. You are only seeing them ,and they are only seeing you

Im sure this happens to most of us,wen you are not attached to anyone ,you tend to flirt a lot with other people who aren’t potential bae/partner /boyfriend /girlfriend ….its only wen you start seeing them more often that u drop out everyone else from your contacts .It starts with late replies to your regular flirting mates to not replying them at all that’s when it hits you wooooow I think this potential bae is the one .The inevitable will occur,it’s only them that you make coffee dates with ,dentist appointments for ,lunch dates with your family with …and what do u know ….ITS OFFICIAL

2. Friends and family refer them as boy/girlfriend  

Think of how many times u have introduced someone to your family and they would still call them by their name .its how you portray your partner to them that will eventually make everyone around you acknowledge them as your boy/girlfriend..that term doesn’t come that easy hey,well if you come from a family like mine ….

3. Meeting important people in your life  

 This has to be the most defining moment of any relationship to be deemed official .Once you start making home visits to uncles,aunts ,brothers and very close friends ..it’s okey to label it official .so here is my story ,I’ve only dated 3guys in my life including my fiancé but i only introduced 2 to my immediate family.my family mean a lot and I’ve always told myself ,if u have never been introduced to them it’s not that deep .no one wants to keep introducing different people to their family or close friends if clearly the relationship isn’t going anywhere …so once u see these visits being talked about and reaching the implementation stage then yes IT IS OFFICIAL  

4. Family secrets  

Well now that’s a strong it’s official highlight to most people in a relationship.there are those deep secrets you hardly share with friends ,that are only within the family circle .we all know those kind of secrets we keep in the closet….secrets that even our parents dare tell us ,secrets we might have heard from older siblings or relatives ,secrets that can destroy family ties ,secrets that are generational and mostly secrets that are just family secrets PERIOD!!But wen you find yourself in that comfort zone ,with no worries of who they might tell ,or whether they are going to judge you for it or not ,it’s safe to say ,it’s an official relationship.

5. Don’t feel guilty for certain behaviors

What a huge wooooow …..wen we official ,I’m not going  to feel guilty for eating from your plate when m done with my portion .im not going to feel guilty for not picking up your phone call when I’m cooking or mixing my cereal .Im certainly not going to feel guilty for telling you to stop using a certain fragrance if I just don’t like it.Im most definitely not going to feel guilty for seeing you in my pjs if you visit in the morning or night.

6. Turndown other people for them  

I’ve experienced this before …..i guess I’m guilty on this one ..but m not going to apologize for it coz in most occasions that I chose my fiancé over other people it was worth it .there are times u just want want to chill and be in the company of that person ,so much that u are willing to sideline everyone else and make time for you 2 only .once such sacrifices start happening frequently,there is no denying it ….it’s official

7. Picture a future together  

When you don’t imagine any future together with them ,then u might as well call it what it is “whirling up time “ . 6months into my relationship we were already thinking of baby names, pet names ,home décor and our first car …..so we sort of got into the serious phase really fast and a future together was a mutual feeling that turned into pure love. Therefore wen you begin to imagine a future with them in it ,u are definitely heading towards the official statement… 

#please feel free to add on what your We are Official highlights were in your past and current relationships. 

                                                  …WAM2017…

What do couples fight about 

So my  close friends call me a “bully ” and others think I’m very much opinionated and don’t back down . Buttttt….what I’ve come to discover is that ,I ain’t a bully at all ,I just defend myself a bit more than everyone around me do for themselves …so it’s quite easy for the next person to label you a certain way because of their own disparities .This bully labeling  issue has become a major issue in my relationship and of late has caused a whole of problem.then again that’s a whole different issue for another day .as of today would really love to dig in a bit deeper on the issues that most couples fight about .ever heard people lash out statements like “if you don’t fight as a couple you are pretty much not dating ‘mmmmmm but let’s be frank here , we do accept some level of disagreements that can lead to fighting but when it becomes a norm that you fight everyday ,it ain’t love no more ,it’s you not being compatible for each other at all.

1:Ex spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends 

In as much as people have moved on and are with their current partners , cases of the exes seem to pop out a lot .it comes to things that you love so much that would be interpreted as reminders of your ex partner .some people have withdrawal problems, they can’t seem to let go of their past no matter how shady and broken that past is .you check their social media,u find that they are still communicating with their past …they still interact with their pasts family ..I would find this quite a disturbing issue in your new relationship if u can’t seem to let go of your past .

2.Money 


I have always told myself that money will not be an obstacle to a happy relationship in my life .its not like we get what we wish for all the time right ?its just inevitable that couples fight over finances .how you going to spend it ,on who ,on what ……having a lot of money can cause problems and not having any can be an issue too ….all u need to do is master the art of communication wen it comes to money .be open about finances ,how they are being acquired and how they will be spent .come up with a budget in order  to save , agree on that budget and make use of it.i believe it always work if both parties agree .wen you are single,you sort of have financial independence ,I spend my money however I want to but that’s not always the case when you are in a relationship ..you need to respect the other persons views regarding your financial use…

                                                               ………to be continued